damn, i feel that. i literally just moved back in with my mom after the love of my life broke up with me. my toxicity ruined a beautiful thing and right now i feel regret and sorrow. i feel i should be alone forever cuz i'm so toxic, man. its like i try not to and then one day she just wanted me to be a better partner [get a job and do more around the house] and thats fine but in my head my brain went "omg she's gonna leave me" and i started panicking and being toxic.....and that ruined it. in 5 days i destroyed a pretty happy relationship that just needed a lil work. i dont know how to offer advice, just know you're not alone in this. I'm also trying to make sense of what happened. how did I go from making a woman so happy in our darker time, to just....being another mistake :( I really don't like myself as a person. I'm stuck between the idea of fixing a very broken brain and hoping to god i never make such a mistake again or....just being a hermit. not hurting anyone else with my own insane toxicity. i regret my existence.
Conduit.
Age 31, Male
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Comments
What I have observed in my time of relative isolation is this:
It comes in waves. Sometimes it can feel unbearable, the pain. But I’ve found that faith helps. As a Christian, I have the comfort of knowing we were told we’d never be given more than we could bear- which means I can tell myself with some degree of certainty that I can bear it. I grit my teeth, I cry when I need to, and I get back up and keep moving.
The righteous will fall down seven times, but get back up eight. And hey- you’re worth something. You’re worth everything. The God of the Universe gave His one and only Son to save us from our errors. We are human and as such we make mistakes- but those who dare to fail bravely and learn from their mistakes will taste a success sweeter than any simply handed out for free.
I know how it feels to be tired and uncertain. Don’t give up.
@NeoAlchemist247 it feels really nice to hear that and you're right. what helps me alot lately is working on meditation, a game project, oh and also a music project with a friend I met through my ex [I suppose you could say even if one thing ends, something else begins and he's been a really great friend and has helped me a lot through all this. he's had it very rough as well but he's starting to feel better]. i tend to try to keep myself busy with the things I enjoy the most and let out the emotions when I need to. I'll try not to give up. we do all make mistakes, and I know i've learned a great lesson. i know now that i must evolve past certain things and thought patterns that led to that mistake. you're worth a lot too, man, thank you for saying this.
FalenDemo5
I hope that life will get better for you soon.
NeoAlchemist247
One day at a time I am learning to be thankful for all that has been given to me.