I’m just so tired. I’ve lost everything and had to move back in with my mother and stepfather. They’ve given me the luxury of comfortability while I’ve been sitting with myself and making sense of everything that’s happened.

Of all the things I might reference here, my primary focus is this: I never thought I’d feel so alone. I have nobody to go to in this hour of despair. As the sobs wrack my chest, I’m left reeling and alone within my home, which was built for me hastily and provided as a place to live. I am eternally grateful for this show of kindness, but I am still battling depression.

At the end of the day, my sorrows are real and deep and painful. I tried to make a life two times with two separate women, and it fell completely apart. Now I’m faced with the reality- either I work hard and maybe have a shot at a life or give up and die on the streets. I don’t have to work immediately, but I have to work eventually. And I’m so tired.

I also butt heads with my step father semi frequently. He states that he doesn’t like my attitude, and that escalates to anger. I lost my romantic partner and my family- so as all this is happening to me it’s resurrecting old wounds and I’m left with nobody with whom to talk it over. At least I’m no longer homeless, right? Well, step father let me know that if the poor attitudes don’t change I’ll need to find a place to live again. So I cried and prayed, sat alone in the dark for awhile. Then realized there’s nothing I or anybody else can do to change the present, and I decided to apologize for my attitude and simply try harder not to set him off.

I feel as though I don’t have any friends anymore. I sit alone and I wile away the hours on Xbox, constantly haunted by memories of family life. It feels like the only time I’m truly happy is when I’m unconscious, which leads to an even worse morning experience than previously, and previously I wasn’t a morning person. I can honestly say I know what it feels like to be disappointed to wake up. I miss being with the love of my life. Now I feel certain I’ll be alone forever.